Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Maybe I have a brain tumor. lol

Sometimes I have this strange rush of thoughts. They come and go really quick. Its a weird feeling when my vision blurs and my thoughts rush in random patterns. They don't last very long (from 1 sec to maybe 10 depending on the complexity) but the sudden haste of thoughts can be really overwhelming. My head doesn't hurt or anything and I really enjoy it! The feeling is so unique. It's not like being high or being drunk or rolling or frying. It's not like time slows down in my head, I'm still aware I'm thinking way too fast. I call them moments of lucidity. I become really conscious of my surrounding. A rush of thoughts can go like this;

>Recognize where I am
>Recognize who I am with
>Feel how I feel about them
>Recognize where they are standing in accordance to me
>Random pet snake eating a mouse
>Imagine what someone is doing, someone random, like my teacher or the parent of a friend I haven't seen in a while.
>Think about the complexity of quantum mechanics, and how I'll probably never understand it.
>Crave something, like cake, or cookies, or noodles.
>Wonder how many calories I've eaten that day.
>Remember a random quote and how unoriginal I am.
>Recognize what everyone Is wearing, mainly color wise.
>My mouth tastes gross, like Copper or some other metal. (This almost always happens)

This example may take five seconds or so. I say this because I'm still aware of time, and no one has ever called me out on it. No one has ever told me “Are you ok? You seem to have completely spaced out for about 5 minutes.” Notice the thoughts aren't that complex, and mostly full of emotions. I've gotten used to them when they happen. I wish I could induce them, but I cant. There is no noticeable change in my heart rate or anything either, as far as I can tell. I sometimes feel a little light headed afterwards but not too bad nor for too long. I've googled it before but found nothing like it. I am the only one?? I've tried to find a trigger for it, like when I'm nervous or unconformable, but they seem to be completely random. I could get 4 in a day. I could go for months without having one. Maybe I have a brain tumor. lol 

Superego: "You really should do something about your 'thought-rush' problem."
Ego:  "Yeah, and James Bond should really do something about his "ass-kicking" problem."

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