I have to tell you this
Its bad for me to pretend like everything is fine
that i dont resent you just because i dont want you to feel hurt
but hurting myself for your sake really fucked me up
and after all that happened,
why should i hurt myself for your sake anymore????
so i have to let you know that i resent you
You fucked me up big time
you broke me and threw me away
i understand we hurt eachother-
that we both hurt eachother and this wasnt
a one way street
that i would cause you to freak out
over shit i said or did
but untimately it wasnt irrational unfounded psychosis from my part
you see
im tired of not being able to sleep
feeling that i was the one ultimately at fault
but truth is, that i did trust you
in fact i trusted you enough to take your word over obvious lies
so painfully obvious that it was stupid to trust you
on that couch watching the notebook
on our date, you texting your exs and your "friends"
hahahahha
it was FUCKING STUPID to trust you
to ever trust you
or to ever even try to
still even then,
when i had blind stupid fucked up trust, you managed to destroy it
and you kept destroying it every chance you had to prove yourself
that you were trustworthy
you constantly lied to my face,
rationalising maybe that it was so i wouldnt "get mad"
or something like that
constatly it was something.
you hiding things from me
you flirting with your exs or whoever
Lying lying lying lying
you just proving you shouldnt be trusted
but turning around and poiting fingers at me and being offended
like that time we were on the phone
and i asked if you cheated (i know you remember)
and you got pissed off and super offended and hung up
and i called back and i apologized
hahahahhahahahaha you HAD cheated
AND I APOLOGIZED FOR OFFENDING YOU
i was quite a pathetic fool.
but hey
You were just as possessive as me
you were always the one who got mad at me
for not replying right away
for supposedly being on fb when i wasn't even
like i was ignoring you
you needed constant reassurance that you were important
and that's probably why you ended up cheating on me
So many times
because you need to feel wanted and pretty
or maybe because youre just promiscuous by nature and like dick.
whatever.
I feel disgusted to be so sure you cheated again
even after i had taken you back
just another one of those in the list of "so painfully obvious yet youll lie to my face" kind of things
denying that you even remember meeting Him at the park makes it even more obvious
like its possible for a human to not remember such a particular even
You were probably mad i said something about how you dressed that day
and that was your way of getting back at me
Denying you remember is stupid
I SLEPT WITH YOU THAT NIGHT
IT MAKES ME FEEL SO VIOLATED
SO GROSS
the kind you cant wash off
the kind that doesnt go away after more than a year
Deny it, dont, Doesnt matter
ultimately youll always be the girl who cried wolf
ultimately Its all the same
nothing you say will change how i think
nor do i want it to
other than telling you that
i do resent you
for lying over and over and over
for cheating over and over
for just overall fucking me over
with no regard for my emotional well being
only your own.
You needed me though, so that didnt matter
i knew that if i took you back i could NEVER EVER FUCKING LEAVE
but you called me back as i tried to walk away
and i slipped slowly into a trance like state of denial and emotional torture
but now that i am awake and lucid i realized that i should have never
even tried to trust you
That youre just a liar.
even the day you broke up with me just proves how much of a liar you are.
how could you do it in such a cold and heartless way?
to invite me over pretending everything was fine only to dump me?????
texing me i love you and forever right before you dumped me?
just adds fuel to my understanding of your structure
of you how deep you have liar embedded into you
have fun being free, free like before i met you
free to do whatever the fuck you want and fuck with whoever you want
because that's what you always wanted
hope all my time and money and effort i spent on you
becomes a distant memory
hope it fades into NOTHING.
The happy memories are tainted by all your lies
i just hope it all fades away
and i never think of you again.
because you only makes me feel violated really
disgusting and sad.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Monday, November 12, 2012
Non-Existence
I violently awoke from my slumber to loud screams of agony and Pain. I was confused. A heavy atmosphere surrounded me, filling my lungs with toxic air and my heart with panic. A foul,
thick stench burned my nostrils as I inhaled and exhaled rapidly. I
jumped out of my bed in a haste. What's going on? The ambient seemed much
like the hell I had seen in so many movies and read about in so many
books. Had I died in my sleep to wake up in a realm of eternal
punishment? Smoke was pouring from under my bedroom door and I could
feel the lack of oxygen and abundance of carbon dioxide entering my
lungs and slowly killing. I tried to cover my nose with my shirt
thinking that it would make it easier to breath, but it was a lost
cause. Gasping for clean air, I ran to my door and grabbed the handle to
open it. TSHHHH! It cried as it burned my hand. I quickly jerked away
only to fall down onto the floor. I coughed violently at the air
that poured into my lungs with every breath I took. Was I gonna die
here, suffocating to death? I stood up from the ground. I tried to kick open my
bedroom door, only to fall back down again. I stood up and I tried over and over in frustration, kicking and screaming at it and suffocating until it finally flew open. A burst of flames shot in and I was ambushed by the
intoxicating aroma of melting flesh and the screams of what I could
only imagine was an agonizing death that resonated from inside that inferno. I fell
onto the floor again. In front of me stood a furious crackling fire. It
stared at me. I could feel it burning my face with its gaze as it
danced before me. Telling me that I should surrender to it. Telling
me that it would not hurt forever.
“Come...” It conveyed to me with its dance, “I will teach you what
it's like to be non-existent.”
I gathered all the strength that my body had left in it and stood up
for the third time. My lungs now felt like they were on fire. My
vision was so blurry I could barely see. Knowing my room as well as I
did, I ran to the back as that infernal flame slowly chased me through the ground.
I climbed on top of my bed and grabbed the lamp from my night stand. I
threw it against the window as hard as I could. SMASH! It went right
through. I stuck my head out the broken glass to see the street below. Only there was no street. There was nothing. I could only see darkness under me.
An empty abyss.
“Come...” It conveyed to me with its infinity, “I will teach you what
it's like to be non-existent.”
The Demon in my room had covered it all with his flames now. I stood on my bed surrounded by his fires as they danced. My mind rushing.
“Surrender...” He conveyed to me with his dance, “I shall teach you
what it's like to be non-existent.”
And so, without a second thought, I jumped out of my bedroom window into the abyss.
And so I fell.
And so I fell endlessly Into the abyss.
And so I learned.
And so He thought me what it is like to be non-existent.
thick stench burned my nostrils as I inhaled and exhaled rapidly. I
jumped out of my bed in a haste. What's going on? The ambient seemed much
like the hell I had seen in so many movies and read about in so many
books. Had I died in my sleep to wake up in a realm of eternal
punishment? Smoke was pouring from under my bedroom door and I could
feel the lack of oxygen and abundance of carbon dioxide entering my
lungs and slowly killing. I tried to cover my nose with my shirt
thinking that it would make it easier to breath, but it was a lost
cause. Gasping for clean air, I ran to my door and grabbed the handle to
open it. TSHHHH! It cried as it burned my hand. I quickly jerked away
only to fall down onto the floor. I coughed violently at the air
that poured into my lungs with every breath I took. Was I gonna die
here, suffocating to death? I stood up from the ground. I tried to kick open my
bedroom door, only to fall back down again. I stood up and I tried over and over in frustration, kicking and screaming at it and suffocating until it finally flew open. A burst of flames shot in and I was ambushed by the
intoxicating aroma of melting flesh and the screams of what I could
only imagine was an agonizing death that resonated from inside that inferno. I fell
onto the floor again. In front of me stood a furious crackling fire. It
stared at me. I could feel it burning my face with its gaze as it
danced before me. Telling me that I should surrender to it. Telling
me that it would not hurt forever.
“Come...” It conveyed to me with its dance, “I will teach you what
it's like to be non-existent.”
I gathered all the strength that my body had left in it and stood up
for the third time. My lungs now felt like they were on fire. My
vision was so blurry I could barely see. Knowing my room as well as I
did, I ran to the back as that infernal flame slowly chased me through the ground.
I climbed on top of my bed and grabbed the lamp from my night stand. I
threw it against the window as hard as I could. SMASH! It went right
through. I stuck my head out the broken glass to see the street below. Only there was no street. There was nothing. I could only see darkness under me.
An empty abyss.
“Come...” It conveyed to me with its infinity, “I will teach you what
it's like to be non-existent.”
The Demon in my room had covered it all with his flames now. I stood on my bed surrounded by his fires as they danced. My mind rushing.
“Surrender...” He conveyed to me with his dance, “I shall teach you
what it's like to be non-existent.”
And so, without a second thought, I jumped out of my bedroom window into the abyss.
And so I fell.
And so I fell endlessly Into the abyss.
And so I learned.
And so He thought me what it is like to be non-existent.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
A Taste of Madness
CHAPTER 2
I woke up in a puddle wet, cold and naked. A familiar taste of blood covered my mouth and a feeling of fear and worry struck me as I realized what was going on. It had happened again. I attempted to open my eyes, but all i could see was black! I couldn't see anything but darkness! I stared up at the sky nervously, hoping for it to slowly fade in from the complete oblivion that i was seeing. I could have been waiting for a minute or an hour or a second, It doesn't really matter, because slowly the familiar clouds of the morning sky came into view. With huge relief, I looked down to see what I was laying on... it was a puddle of fucking blood. A puddle of fucking blood. "Oh god," I thought to myself, "Was this my own blood? Was I bleeding out dying?"
I stood up as quickly as i could to check myself for any mortal wounds I might have suffered during the episode. I couldn't find any. None whatsoever. I was completely injury free...
I woke up in a puddle wet, cold and naked. A familiar taste of blood covered my mouth and a feeling of fear and worry struck me as I realized what was going on. It had happened again. I attempted to open my eyes, but all i could see was black! I couldn't see anything but darkness! I stared up at the sky nervously, hoping for it to slowly fade in from the complete oblivion that i was seeing. I could have been waiting for a minute or an hour or a second, It doesn't really matter, because slowly the familiar clouds of the morning sky came into view. With huge relief, I looked down to see what I was laying on... it was a puddle of fucking blood. A puddle of fucking blood. "Oh god," I thought to myself, "Was this my own blood? Was I bleeding out dying?"
I stood up as quickly as i could to check myself for any mortal wounds I might have suffered during the episode. I couldn't find any. None whatsoever. I was completely injury free...
I looked down into the bloody mess again. It was a pile of miscellaneous guts. What looked like organs and chunks of
flesh tainted a large patch of grass dark red. "Fuck!" I thought, "What the fuck is it?" A wild animal?" The aberrant puddle had a trail of blood leading
into the woods that surrounded me, as if whoever had done this dragged the guts out from somewhere inside the spooky forest. I was so mesmerized by it's brutality, I couldn't help following it. It
zigzagged across the grass into the wilderness,
emanating a repulsive stench that send shivers down my spine. The
trail seemed to be endless and turned thinner and thicker following
no logical order, as if whoever had made it had no idea of where they were going. As if whoever had done it had no idea of where they were.
I must have followed it for hours or maybe days or maybe just seconds, I don't even know, but the
trail led to a huge puddle of blood somewhere deep inside the wilderness. There was dead trees all around there and the ground was so dry and the air was so dense. It the middle of the tiny bloody stinky lake
stood a tall skinny tree all death and branches. It's roots were going out and into the puddle as if it was feeding off of it. Flies and other
disgusting insects flew around the puddle enjoying the terrible stench and bathing in the
bodily fluids. How long could this have been here for? It smelled so terrible but looked so fresh. I slowly moved closer and closer to get a better look. I noticed there was something inside, something under the insect
and flies. I looked closer and closer as I broke off a long branch from the tree and
poked at the puddle and mixed it around with the stick. The bugs all scattered away in a hurry and uncovered something
beautifully grotesque. A fucking human skeleton! The skeleton of a man or woman all clean from flesh real horrowshow. It's bones were like
ivory. Like beautiful shinny ivory covered in Lucius liquid rubies... I
stood there staring mesmerized by the brutality of it's beauty. My legs began to
shake and my head to ache. A sudden feeling of horror overcame me. I
stood up as quickly as I could and my vision started to fade away. Sudden impenetrable darkness covered my eyes and a feeling of euphoria reigned my soul. I had never felt so much happiness in my entire life! It was so intense I couldn't breathe right. It made my heart warm! I could have been in that state of orgasmic blindness for hour or days or minutes or second, I don't remember at all. but after whatever time it was my vision started to come back and my skin started to get all tingly and goosebumpy and cold. I stood there for a while as my vision became clearer, wondering why the feeling of euphoria had left me feeling so empty. Why did it have to leave me feeling so empty? Why couldn't it have stayed to keep me company forever? WHY?
With my vision now completely clear, I looked up into the spooky tree that stood in front of me. Something caught my attention instantly, something hanging from one of it's dead, leafless branches. Something that looked dirty and used and old. Something that waved around in the wind slowly dripping blood. Something with the sun shinning brightly behind it keeping me from seeing what it was. Without moving my eyes from the mysterious something, I walked around to get a better look. The thing waved like a plastic bag in the wind. What the fuck was it? As soon as my eyes became accustomed to the light and I could finally see it... It was skin. Human fucking skin. Skin from a whole human body all in one piece. Skin with blonde hair coming off of the head and tiny fingers waving around from it's floppy arms with the wind. Skin so perfectly cut out that it could have been worn. It’s face had holes where the eyes should be. It's mouth was just a big gaping hole. It waved around like a flag in the wind to remind me that I was fucked up in the head.
"Why?" it whispered in a very familiar voice.
"W-what?" I managed to blurt out through my raspy throat in terror.
"Why did you do this to me? All I ever did was help you, Derek. Why did you torture me? Why did you kill me?" the familiar voice said again as that gaping hole of a mouth waved about.
"M-M-M-Mrs. Juliet??" I managed to whisper.
"You filthy piece of shit, you thug. You are everything that is wrong with the world. Your mother must be so disappointed in herself for raising such a terrible person. You are a bad person, such a bad person." Mrs. Juliet's skin said in a tired, old, depressed voice.
With my vision now completely clear, I looked up into the spooky tree that stood in front of me. Something caught my attention instantly, something hanging from one of it's dead, leafless branches. Something that looked dirty and used and old. Something that waved around in the wind slowly dripping blood. Something with the sun shinning brightly behind it keeping me from seeing what it was. Without moving my eyes from the mysterious something, I walked around to get a better look. The thing waved like a plastic bag in the wind. What the fuck was it? As soon as my eyes became accustomed to the light and I could finally see it... It was skin. Human fucking skin. Skin from a whole human body all in one piece. Skin with blonde hair coming off of the head and tiny fingers waving around from it's floppy arms with the wind. Skin so perfectly cut out that it could have been worn. It’s face had holes where the eyes should be. It's mouth was just a big gaping hole. It waved around like a flag in the wind to remind me that I was fucked up in the head.
"Why?" it whispered in a very familiar voice.
"W-what?" I managed to blurt out through my raspy throat in terror.
"Why did you do this to me? All I ever did was help you, Derek. Why did you torture me? Why did you kill me?" the familiar voice said again as that gaping hole of a mouth waved about.
"M-M-M-Mrs. Juliet??" I managed to whisper.
"You filthy piece of shit, you thug. You are everything that is wrong with the world. Your mother must be so disappointed in herself for raising such a terrible person. You are a bad person, such a bad person." Mrs. Juliet's skin said in a tired, old, depressed voice.
"Y-You
don't understand... I-I-I didn't mean to, it wasn't me." I
attempted to explain to her, but I couldn't stop shaking in place, my
voice wouldn't stop stuttering. My knees were weak and I had a
terrible headache pounding inside my head making me wanna scream and
pull my hair off and die.
"YOU ARE A MURDERER, A PSYCHOPATH! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL! YOU TUG!" the sack of skin screeched in a demonic howl.
"I-I-I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear, it wasn't me! I would have never done anything like this." My head was about to explode! It was pounding so hard that I collapsed on the ground. It was like the blood in my brain was boiling violently. I twitched as I put my head between my hands and pulled at my hair and screamed at the top of my lungs.
"STOP!!!! STOP!" I yelled over and over for what could have been an day or an hour or a minute or a second. I could feel my throat burn and sting from screaming but I couldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. Everything was so dark. My head was going to explode, but nothing made any sense. None of it made any sense. I didn't fucking get it. I couldn't fucking understand. Why wouldn't it make sense? I didn't make any sense. It didn't make any sense. Why didn't I get it? It didn't make any sense... Was it not for me to understand?!?
"YOU ARE A MURDERER, A PSYCHOPATH! I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL! YOU TUG!" the sack of skin screeched in a demonic howl.
"I-I-I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I swear, it wasn't me! I would have never done anything like this." My head was about to explode! It was pounding so hard that I collapsed on the ground. It was like the blood in my brain was boiling violently. I twitched as I put my head between my hands and pulled at my hair and screamed at the top of my lungs.
"STOP!!!! STOP!" I yelled over and over for what could have been an day or an hour or a minute or a second. I could feel my throat burn and sting from screaming but I couldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. Everything was so dark. My head was going to explode, but nothing made any sense. None of it made any sense. I didn't fucking get it. I couldn't fucking understand. Why wouldn't it make sense? I didn't make any sense. It didn't make any sense. Why didn't I get it? It didn't make any sense... Was it not for me to understand?!?
“FUCK
YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCKKKK YOU!!!!!!” I yelled!
Monday, August 6, 2012
A Taste Of Madness.
Chapter
One
It happened again today, it had left me alone for a couple of months now, but it finally came again. I fucking hate it so much.
It happened again today, it had left me alone for a couple of months now, but it finally came again. I fucking hate it so much.
I
woke up completely beat up and in the middle of the woods. My head
hurt. It was covered in bruises from what must have been me pulling
my own hair. My lips were ruptured and I could taste my own blood. My
nails were broken into sharp pointy claws with bits of my skin stuck under them. I
was covered with sweat, blood and hair. I really hoped it was all my
own. The heels of my feet hurt and so did my throat. I must have been
screaming a great deal during this episode. My shoes were
nowhere to be found... Walking all the way home barefoot and cold from
the woods with all those little twigs poking at my feet was gonna be
a fucking pain. I couldn't stand up straight because my back hurt so bad, mostly around the back of my neck. I had no idea where the fuck I was,
but there was a very obvious path of destruction (mostly dirt that was kicked away, broken branches, mud and blood) that would probably
lead me to a road. I figured I could get home from there.
Walking
about a mile following whatever clues I had left, I found one of my
shoes. Around that area there were several very deep footprints that
were most likely from me violently stomping my feet against the
ground over and over and over. That would explain the bruises I had on my heels.
After about 3 hours of walking I ultimately found a highway.
Exhausted and dying of thirst, I figured the best thing I could do
was wait for someone who would pick up a bloody hitchhiker. After 10
cars passed by without stopping and one asshole throwing a bottle of
beer at me, I finally managed to catch a ride from a very older
looking woman. When she asked me what had happened I told her I had
been robbed and beaten by a bunch of lowlife thugs. She believed me.
I felt bad for lying to that nice old lady who was willing to drive
me all the way home and wouldn't accept any money for it. She
insisted on taking me to the hospital, but I told her I was okay and
all I wanted was to go home. She understood. It was an hour drive to
my house. She talked about her husband most of the ride home.
Something made me suspect him deceased, but she never did mention it
and I never dared ask.
"Thanks for the ride, Miss Juliet. I would have probably died out there without your help." I told her as I got out of the car and waved goodbye.
"You're very welcome!" she said with her sweet old lady voice that sounded so angelic to me. "By the way, young man, what is your name?"
"My name is Derek, Derek Allison." I replied with a smile.
"That is a very lovely name, Derek. It is very nice to formally meet you. I'm very sorry about what happened. You know, my grandson is a lawyer and he'd be more than happy to help you with filling out a police repo-..."
"That won't be necessary, Miss Juliet," I interrupted her, "but thanks a lot for all your help. I really must be going now, though. Thanks a lot for everything! Really, thank you!"
"It was really no problem, I'm very glad I could help you out after what occurred. This generation of thugs that do such violent acts for no apparent reason make me very depressed, after all, it was the sons and daughters of our generation that raised them, I'm glad my Grandsons didn't choose such a vile way of life, they're very poli-..."
"I really must be going now, Ma'am," I interrupted her once more, "I have wounds to tend to." Feeling bad for not wanting to listen to her after all she had done for me, I slowly started to walk away.
"Of course, of course! Goodbye, Derek, take care!" she said as she drove away and waved her bony little wrinkled hand goodbye.
"Goodbye!" I managed to babble as she left, doubting that she actually heard me.
I walked over to my front door and got my key from under bush that was next to my window. I had put a spare key there ever since this fucked up shit started happening to me. I had forgotten it was even there. Opening my door, I was surprised to find my house completely spotless. I continued to investigate, and everything seemed to be in order. I walked over into my bathroom to look at my face and see If It needed any stitches. The mirror was smashed into pieces. What the fuck? That was a first. I walked into my bedroom to look at myself on my dresser mirror but that one was smashed in as well.
As I stared at the image of my wounded fragmented reflection hiding behind the pieces of that broken dresser mirror a feeling of helplessness overcame me. I stared long and hard.
"Why do you do this to me?" I said to my reflection, "Why are you back? What the fuck did I do to you? Huh? I know you can hear me you piece of shit. I know you're there. Why don't you come out and face me? Huh? Hiding behind my own fucking consciousness, you're such a coward. Breaking the mirrors so you don't have to look at yourself. Are you afraid of my face? You are, aren't you? A Fucking coward, that's what you are."
Only silence followed my words. Fucking empty silence.
"I'm such a mess..." I whispered to myself. Everything hurt and my clothes were still soaking wet from my sweat and blood, "Shower... I need a shower."
Friday, July 27, 2012
Black Gold
A black gold
Divining our fortune in statics.
With its numbers cutting throats
To appease their hunger for power.
Burning with supremacy!
They sing of fear to keep us safe
And so the weak,
Fueling their desires and defending their dreams in meaningless fights,
Fight.
Yet, they are proud of being hunted by guilty, prying eyes.
Divining our fortune in statics.
With its numbers cutting throats
To appease their hunger for power.
Burning with supremacy!
They sing of fear to keep us safe
And so the weak,
Fueling their desires and defending their dreams in meaningless fights,
Fight.
Yet, they are proud of being hunted by guilty, prying eyes.
A black gold
Dividing our world
Making quotients for us convenient,
To Appease their hunger for power.
Dividing our world
Making quotients for us convenient,
To Appease their hunger for power.
Boiling with vengeance!
They yell of blood to save themselves.
And so their weak,
Burning with rage and defending their visions in glorious battles,
Die.
Yet, they are shameless of being hunted by proud, vicious scopes.
They yell of blood to save themselves.
And so their weak,
Burning with rage and defending their visions in glorious battles,
Die.
Yet, they are shameless of being hunted by proud, vicious scopes.
A black gold.
Dooming our future,
Shaming our children.
Yet satisfying our hunger for power.
Dooming our future,
Shaming our children.
Yet satisfying our hunger for power.
Monday, July 9, 2012
You're Too Gentle
She likes to be used
She likes to be abused
You're too gentle now
You're too gentle...
PAINN
She craves
PAINN
SHE CRAVES!
PAINNN
SHE CRAVES!!
She wants to be told
what to do.
She wants to be owned
and used and abused and refused...
She craves to be bruised
She likes to be abused
You're too gentle now
You're too gentle...
PAINN
She craves
PAINN
SHE CRAVES!
PAINNN
SHE CRAVES!!
She wants to be told
what to do.
She wants to be owned
and used and abused and refused...
She craves to be bruised
and misused and perused and accused!
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE NOW
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE NOW
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE
She craves thorns
not roses.
She wants....
SCARS!!
PAINN
SHE CRAVES
PAINNNN
SHE CRAVES
PAINNNN!!!
SHE CRAVES!
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE NOW
YOU'VE BEEN DISAVOWED
YOU'RE TOO WEAK
SHE'S MINE NOW!
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE NOW
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE NOW
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE
She craves thorns
not roses.
She wants....
SCARS!!
PAINN
SHE CRAVES
PAINNNN
SHE CRAVES
PAINNNN!!!
SHE CRAVES!
YOU'RE TOO GENTLE NOW
YOU'VE BEEN DISAVOWED
YOU'RE TOO WEAK
SHE'S MINE NOW!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Dear Death,
Come death,
Death my dear,
Come take me away from this never ending darkness.
Come death,
My only passion.
I've been waiting for you my entire life.
Every dream,
Every breath I take is in anticipation of your arrival.
Why death,
Why have you made me wait for so long?
Come to me now,
Free me,
Let me escape this mortal shell that has been a prison to my spirit since the day of my birth.
Death,
Take me away with you,
Take me to a place of oblivion!
Death,
My love,
Come whisper in my ear,
Elucidate to me the significance of all of life's riddles.
Death,
Death my dear,
Come erase me from here.
Come save me from this never ending darkness.
Why Death,
My friend,
Why do you keep me waiting for so long?
Death,
My savior,
Walk along with me through your valleys,
Guide me through your kingdom
Into the waters of Lethe!
Death,
I beg of you,
My dear Death,
Please,
Take me with you!
Death my dear,
Come take me away from this never ending darkness.
Come death,
My only passion.
I've been waiting for you my entire life.
Every dream,
Every breath I take is in anticipation of your arrival.
Why death,
Why have you made me wait for so long?
Come to me now,
Free me,
Let me escape this mortal shell that has been a prison to my spirit since the day of my birth.
Death,
Take me away with you,
Take me to a place of oblivion!
Death,
My love,
Come whisper in my ear,
Elucidate to me the significance of all of life's riddles.
Death,
Death my dear,
Come erase me from here.
Come save me from this never ending darkness.
Why Death,
My friend,
Why do you keep me waiting for so long?
Death,
My savior,
Walk along with me through your valleys,
Guide me through your kingdom
Into the waters of Lethe!
Death,
I beg of you,
My dear Death,
Please,
Take me with you!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Everyone ever.
And so everybody realized everyone was selfish and nobody ever loved anyone else but themselves.
The end.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Dream
In the real world
Things aren't always like they're supposed to be
I can't always have my way
sometimes
you make me feel like a baseball game
either you strike me out
Or I hit homerun
no pun.
You are like a dream
and I am just a poor dreamer
you are like a dream
from wihch I never want to wake up
that's why....
I never want to open my eyes again
Dreaming
That's how I want to live
Dreaming forever
You are my escape from reality
You are like a dream
and I am just a poor dreamer
you are like a dream
from which I never want to wake up
I don't
I never
I never want to stop dreaming
who cares
if the world stops moving
I could care less when I'm with you
It's true
You are my dream
and I am just a poor dreamer
You're my dream
and with you
I hope to escape from reality
and never
never come back
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Vlad
I just thought I'd post the game that I am making since I haven't posted anything in a while! It's all in Sphere's version of JavaScript.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Day The Sky Bled.
In the park I sat, all lonely and bitter. I watched the early winter leaves fall with the wind. They covered the grass. I picked one up and crushed it in my hand, then opened my palm to find the wind blowing it away back to the ground with the rest. But it could no longer fit in. It was no longer a precious ornament to decorate the naked grass. Now it was trash. It's distorted shape did not stand out from the rest, but it was clear that it no longer served a purpose in the pretty tapestry that nature had created. I liked what I had made. I piked up another leaf and proceeded to crush it with my palm. I don't recall how long i did this for. I must have crushed a thousand leaves while listening to their crunching before I realized it was getting dark.
I looked up above me to see that the sky was black with clouds. It wasn't usually like this. I looked around me in that park; there were still a child with her mother playing in the playground. It must not be that late. There was a homeless man laying on his cardboard mansion. There was a gathering of people, probably of a religious nature, in a remote corner of the park humming their heavenly tunes. Individuals running their habitual routine of circuling the park. Walkers with their pets trying to stay in shape. There was traffic all the way on the road; passing by, going, stopping. There was people with places to go. There was life all around. There was life all around outside of my little, lonely, and bitter bubble. There was life outside of my sad, and tired shell. I disregarded it. I ignored it. I was content with myself, if that made any sense.
The clouds moved about like the people did. I wondered if they had a place to go too. They were so black. Once might fancy they were made of ashes. Like someone burned the clouds that were usually in our winter sky. I turned my eyes and head to gaze upon the tree, the tree whose leaves I had been crushing. It stood tall, all trunk and branches. I was amazed at how magnificently beautiful it was. It could even be that it was far more beautiful now than in its summer days when it displayed its new foliage. I laid myself on that pool of gaunt leaves and stared at the sky as the clouds rushed. They were moving in circles. Had they nowhere to go? Were they where they were supposed to be?
"Clouds" I said to them. "Why do you look like you don't fit in this December sky? Are you like the leaves that I crushed to ruin the art of nature's tapestry? Has someone distorted you to mock the heavens?"
The clouds circled above me, above the park, above the people and the cars. They weren't going anywhere.
"I seem to not fit in this world just as you don't fit in the sky." I whispered to them, "Things sometimes just don't fit where they belong."
They stopped moving. They stopped as if the wind had ceased to blow. It was about to rain, I could tell. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth sticking out my tongue. I was waiting for the rain to fall. I was laying on a pool of haggard leaves with my mouth open and my eyes closed waiting for a drop of rain to poar upon my tongue so I could taste it. It would taste like nothing. But the plain flavor would comfort me, that even those clouds that were made of ashes and didn't fit where they belonged served a purpose. I laid there for what seemed like forever. I was about to give up hope when I suddenly felt a drop of a liquid substace fall upon my forehead. It slowly dripped down the side of my head. I didn't move. I stood there motionless. I waited with my lips parted for a drop of rain. It finally came. It fell upon my mouth like a kiss from the clouds. I could taste it. It's flavor was not plain. It did not taste like nothing. It tasted sweet. Not only that, It tasted metal. It tasted like blood!
I opened my eyes and much to my surprise I was correct. Those burned clouds made of ashes were crying blood. At first It was a light drizzle but it quickly escalated into a violent precipitation. I stood up and looked at the broken leaves covered in red blood. They looked amazing. I was starting to notice all thing going on around me besides the rain.
The dogs had escaped from their masters and barked nonstop. They seemed to be scared. The child, who moments ago was playing and laghing with her mother, was now sobbing deeply and loudly, her mother trying to comfort her... In the road there had been a severe car crash. It was a head on collision and one of the cars seemed to be on fire. How did I not hear that? I wondered. The homeless man laid on his cardboard mansion still. He did not seem to care.
The ground was now completely covered in blood. Every tree and car and building that I could see dripped vibrant red. I couldn't help but think that the world had never looked better. The tree, with its trunk and its branches all covered in blood, had never looked better.
I started to feel weak, I started to feel nacious! Was this vision making me sick? How could this beatiful, magnificent, and astonishing vision make me sick?
"SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! PLEASE! MY CHILD DIES!" the mother of the girl who had ceased to sob cried. "SHE IS SO PALE! SHE FAILTLY BREATHS! SHE IS COLD! HELP! CALL AN AMBULANCE" she begged, "PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Her face was so pale. She was sitting under the playground, which protected her from the rain. With her face not covered in blood I could see how pale she was. Her face was almost white and her lips were like Ivory! I tried to walk over to her since she was not far away. I took one step in her direction and my knee went numb. It was as if I had take an arrow to it! I collapsed upon the ground. I felt as if I were to fait. I stood up, very tired. The temperature seemed to have dropped considerably for I was so cold. I turned to look at her again. She had fainted. It was as if she had lost blood. The dogs had stopped barking. I looked around to see. They were on the ground. Had they fainted? Were they dead? I sat down for I was so tired I could no longer stand. I looked over at the homeless man. Had he fainted too? Was he dead perhaps? I was starting to shift in and out of consciousnes. That's when I realised what was happening.
It was MY blood raining from the sky. IT WAS MY BLOOD THAT RAINED FROM THE SKY! It was my blood, and the blood of that woman, and the blood of her child, and the blood of that homeless man, and the blood of the dogs. It was the blood of everything that lived that was raining from the sky. It was the most precious substance a living being could have that had made this beatiful, magnificent, and astonishing vision into reality. Was this a tragedy?
I laid down on the ground on my puddle of leaves. I was covered in blood, I was cold, I was tired, I was faint. I was gonna die like everybody else. There was nothing I could do about it. So I laid on my back, I opened my mouth and I tasted the sweet blood. I tasted the sweet blood that rained form the sky until it all turned black.
I looked up above me to see that the sky was black with clouds. It wasn't usually like this. I looked around me in that park; there were still a child with her mother playing in the playground. It must not be that late. There was a homeless man laying on his cardboard mansion. There was a gathering of people, probably of a religious nature, in a remote corner of the park humming their heavenly tunes. Individuals running their habitual routine of circuling the park. Walkers with their pets trying to stay in shape. There was traffic all the way on the road; passing by, going, stopping. There was people with places to go. There was life all around. There was life all around outside of my little, lonely, and bitter bubble. There was life outside of my sad, and tired shell. I disregarded it. I ignored it. I was content with myself, if that made any sense.
The clouds moved about like the people did. I wondered if they had a place to go too. They were so black. Once might fancy they were made of ashes. Like someone burned the clouds that were usually in our winter sky. I turned my eyes and head to gaze upon the tree, the tree whose leaves I had been crushing. It stood tall, all trunk and branches. I was amazed at how magnificently beautiful it was. It could even be that it was far more beautiful now than in its summer days when it displayed its new foliage. I laid myself on that pool of gaunt leaves and stared at the sky as the clouds rushed. They were moving in circles. Had they nowhere to go? Were they where they were supposed to be?
"Clouds" I said to them. "Why do you look like you don't fit in this December sky? Are you like the leaves that I crushed to ruin the art of nature's tapestry? Has someone distorted you to mock the heavens?"
The clouds circled above me, above the park, above the people and the cars. They weren't going anywhere.
"I seem to not fit in this world just as you don't fit in the sky." I whispered to them, "Things sometimes just don't fit where they belong."
They stopped moving. They stopped as if the wind had ceased to blow. It was about to rain, I could tell. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth sticking out my tongue. I was waiting for the rain to fall. I was laying on a pool of haggard leaves with my mouth open and my eyes closed waiting for a drop of rain to poar upon my tongue so I could taste it. It would taste like nothing. But the plain flavor would comfort me, that even those clouds that were made of ashes and didn't fit where they belonged served a purpose. I laid there for what seemed like forever. I was about to give up hope when I suddenly felt a drop of a liquid substace fall upon my forehead. It slowly dripped down the side of my head. I didn't move. I stood there motionless. I waited with my lips parted for a drop of rain. It finally came. It fell upon my mouth like a kiss from the clouds. I could taste it. It's flavor was not plain. It did not taste like nothing. It tasted sweet. Not only that, It tasted metal. It tasted like blood!
I opened my eyes and much to my surprise I was correct. Those burned clouds made of ashes were crying blood. At first It was a light drizzle but it quickly escalated into a violent precipitation. I stood up and looked at the broken leaves covered in red blood. They looked amazing. I was starting to notice all thing going on around me besides the rain.
The dogs had escaped from their masters and barked nonstop. They seemed to be scared. The child, who moments ago was playing and laghing with her mother, was now sobbing deeply and loudly, her mother trying to comfort her... In the road there had been a severe car crash. It was a head on collision and one of the cars seemed to be on fire. How did I not hear that? I wondered. The homeless man laid on his cardboard mansion still. He did not seem to care.
The ground was now completely covered in blood. Every tree and car and building that I could see dripped vibrant red. I couldn't help but think that the world had never looked better. The tree, with its trunk and its branches all covered in blood, had never looked better.
I started to feel weak, I started to feel nacious! Was this vision making me sick? How could this beatiful, magnificent, and astonishing vision make me sick?
"SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE! PLEASE! MY CHILD DIES!" the mother of the girl who had ceased to sob cried. "SHE IS SO PALE! SHE FAILTLY BREATHS! SHE IS COLD! HELP! CALL AN AMBULANCE" she begged, "PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Her face was so pale. She was sitting under the playground, which protected her from the rain. With her face not covered in blood I could see how pale she was. Her face was almost white and her lips were like Ivory! I tried to walk over to her since she was not far away. I took one step in her direction and my knee went numb. It was as if I had take an arrow to it! I collapsed upon the ground. I felt as if I were to fait. I stood up, very tired. The temperature seemed to have dropped considerably for I was so cold. I turned to look at her again. She had fainted. It was as if she had lost blood. The dogs had stopped barking. I looked around to see. They were on the ground. Had they fainted? Were they dead? I sat down for I was so tired I could no longer stand. I looked over at the homeless man. Had he fainted too? Was he dead perhaps? I was starting to shift in and out of consciousnes. That's when I realised what was happening.
It was MY blood raining from the sky. IT WAS MY BLOOD THAT RAINED FROM THE SKY! It was my blood, and the blood of that woman, and the blood of her child, and the blood of that homeless man, and the blood of the dogs. It was the blood of everything that lived that was raining from the sky. It was the most precious substance a living being could have that had made this beatiful, magnificent, and astonishing vision into reality. Was this a tragedy?
I laid down on the ground on my puddle of leaves. I was covered in blood, I was cold, I was tired, I was faint. I was gonna die like everybody else. There was nothing I could do about it. So I laid on my back, I opened my mouth and I tasted the sweet blood. I tasted the sweet blood that rained form the sky until it all turned black.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
To Cry With Laughter
While Watching Angelo, An actor of comedy
The people cheered and said to him,
"Thou art the funniest man on the land,
and the happiest too!"
And to this the comedian laughed.
Victims of the heart,
the highest lords and ladies,
on the darkest nights most morbid,
went to the king of comedians,
and changed their suffering to laughter.
One day, before a most famous medic
a man came with a morbid look.
"I suffer" said he, "an evil as terrible
as my face is pale!"
"I find nothing charming or attractive;
I care not for my name nor for my fate,
I am in a state of dead while living,
and my only passion is death!"
"Doest thou travel and distract?" the doctor asked
"So much I have traveled!"
"Hast thou read books?"
"So much I have read!"
"Doest a woman love thee?"
"So much I am loved"
"Doest thou have a title?"
"I was born into Nobility!"
"Art thou poor perhaps?"
"Rich I am!"
"Praise doest thou desire?"
"Praised so much I am!"
"Doest thou have family to love?"
"Only my sorrows."
"Doest thou travel to the cemeteries?"
"Plenty... Plenty..."
"In thine present life, doest thou have acquaintances?"
"Plenty, but I let them not impose their burdens,
for only the dead do I call friends,
And the living my tormentors."
"Thou has left me," said the medic, "Perplexed,
Thine illness... Thou must not lose hope!
Take this advice as a prescription,
Only by watching Angelo can thou be cured!"
"Angelo?"
"Angelo Indeed! Even the most reluctant and austere from society
eagers to watch his performance.
Everyone who watches him dies of laughter,
He has an amazing artistic grace!"
"And will he make me laugh?"
"Ah! Indeed, I swear it to thee!
Him indeed,
Nobody but him,
Farther more...." He stopped when he saw the look on the mans face.
"What troubles thee?"
"You see," Said the ill man, "That won't cure me;
I Am Angelo!... I pray thee change my prescription..."
How many are there?
Weary of life,
Sick of sorrow,
Dying of boredom,
Making laughter like the suicidal comedian,
Without finding in himself a cure.
OH! How many times while laughing we cry.
Nobody should,
In the happiness of laughter put their fortune
Because in the creatures that sorrow devours
The soul cries while the face laughs...
And if faith dies, the calm escapes,
If only flowers do our feet tread,
Launching in the face the tempest of the soul;
A smile.
And the carnaval that is the world, tricks us plenty
Tells us that our lives are short masques.
And here we learn to laugh with sobs,
And also to cry with laughter.
The people cheered and said to him,
"Thou art the funniest man on the land,
and the happiest too!"
And to this the comedian laughed.
Victims of the heart,
the highest lords and ladies,
on the darkest nights most morbid,
went to the king of comedians,
and changed their suffering to laughter.
One day, before a most famous medic
a man came with a morbid look.
"I suffer" said he, "an evil as terrible
as my face is pale!"
"I find nothing charming or attractive;
I care not for my name nor for my fate,
I am in a state of dead while living,
and my only passion is death!"
"Doest thou travel and distract?" the doctor asked
"So much I have traveled!"
"Hast thou read books?"
"So much I have read!"
"Doest a woman love thee?"
"So much I am loved"
"Doest thou have a title?"
"I was born into Nobility!"
"Art thou poor perhaps?"
"Rich I am!"
"Praise doest thou desire?"
"Praised so much I am!"
"Doest thou have family to love?"
"Only my sorrows."
"Doest thou travel to the cemeteries?"
"Plenty... Plenty..."
"In thine present life, doest thou have acquaintances?"
"Plenty, but I let them not impose their burdens,
for only the dead do I call friends,
And the living my tormentors."
"Thou has left me," said the medic, "Perplexed,
Thine illness... Thou must not lose hope!
Take this advice as a prescription,
Only by watching Angelo can thou be cured!"
"Angelo?"
"Angelo Indeed! Even the most reluctant and austere from society
eagers to watch his performance.
Everyone who watches him dies of laughter,
He has an amazing artistic grace!"
"And will he make me laugh?"
"Ah! Indeed, I swear it to thee!
Him indeed,
Nobody but him,
Farther more...." He stopped when he saw the look on the mans face.
"What troubles thee?"
"You see," Said the ill man, "That won't cure me;
I Am Angelo!... I pray thee change my prescription..."
How many are there?
Weary of life,
Sick of sorrow,
Dying of boredom,
Making laughter like the suicidal comedian,
Without finding in himself a cure.
OH! How many times while laughing we cry.
Nobody should,
In the happiness of laughter put their fortune
Because in the creatures that sorrow devours
The soul cries while the face laughs...
And if faith dies, the calm escapes,
If only flowers do our feet tread,
Launching in the face the tempest of the soul;
A smile.
And the carnaval that is the world, tricks us plenty
Tells us that our lives are short masques.
And here we learn to laugh with sobs,
And also to cry with laughter.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Sorry
I'm sorry I can't stop thinking about you.
I'm sorry I'm so nice to you.
I'm sorry I'm a dick too.
I'm sorry I'm such a bad person.
I'm sorry you're such a bad friend.
I'm sorry I'm always trying.
I'm sorry I love you.
I'm sorry you don't.
I'm sorry I'm so nice to you.
I'm sorry I'm a dick too.
I'm sorry I'm such a bad person.
I'm sorry you're such a bad friend.
I'm sorry I'm always trying.
I'm sorry I love you.
I'm sorry you don't.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Boho!
Hehe...Weep yourself a river.On a shit day.It's not like i'd even.Give a Fuck anyway!Hahaha Bitch!sob a Fucking lakeIt's of no Fucking use.There's gonna be a victim.In this shitty life of yours!HahaHahaHa!Cry me an ocean.Little whiny WHORE.So I can drown you in it.I can't stand you anymore!!
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Martyr
I'm a martyr of your fancy
even when I know You're feign
I'm a martyr of your will
That is all that I can feel
You're my Solace and my love
oh my only ally
Adored above all
but leading me awry....
I let you near
you sank your fangs deep
your venom spread quick
it was my fault
Your Ice words
Left me in a mess
and Your lies
led me to obsess
even If I fight my way
through your torments
I will be compelled again
you're like my cocaine...
I'm a martyr of your fancy
even when I know You're feign
I'm a martyr of your will
That is all that I can feel
even if I find my way
through your puzzles
I will still fall and obey.
I am your eternal prey
You're my Solace and my love
you're my only ally
Adored above all
but leading me awry....
I'm a martyr of your fancy
even when I know You're feign
I'm a martyr of your will
That is all that I can feel
Monday, September 19, 2011
Empty Room
Walk into a room. Room is empty. Realize that you're adrift in an uncaring world, in which everyone is only out to help themselves, that all human interaction is based on lies and selfishness. Realize you'll never find true love because love doesn't exist. Realize that your entire life will not leave a lasting impression on the world, and your entire legacy will be reduced to an empty, soul-less corpse. Realize that, no matter how many people you surround yourself with, you will die alone.
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